Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
