i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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