You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
