Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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