i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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