If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
