i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
