Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
