talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
