he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize