he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
