At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
