sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He shit in the fireplace
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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