Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
