I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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