He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
