oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
