Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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