i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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