and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
