I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
