This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just want to make out with him forever
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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