i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
