Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
