my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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