I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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