It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
