well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
