it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize