I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
