Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
