Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
jump out the window naked night went bad
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