five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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