My girlfriend figured out who you are.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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