Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
