i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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