Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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