How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
