Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
