It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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