it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I won't apologize to a one balled man
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
