Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
