Where did you get a picture of my penis
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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