Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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