I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
well you can't waste a boner
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
