whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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