you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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