I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize