On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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