New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
