11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
