ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
