just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
