i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
