just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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