How'd it feel making her break her religion?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
