she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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