yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
