he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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