idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
What a fucking waste of an outfit
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
