tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
