Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
