Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
