my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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