just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
