I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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