highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
