Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
