Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
