great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
