In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
