So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
