bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
