Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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