Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
