once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
