and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
