So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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