are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Randomize
