I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just puked most of my soul out..
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
