Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
