So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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