I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
