false alarm. still invincible.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
