ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
