who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
just tell him i said nine months
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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