Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
