great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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