you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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