Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
