I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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