I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
