Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
