remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
