i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
