3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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